Summary: A Trigger Warning to anyone it may be concern as this whole chapter and the next ones from here on out with deal with or make mentions of Marisol’s sexual assault. Please protect yourself if this material is too sensitive for you 💙.
The song title is In The Rain by The Dramatics.
Monday
From the way everyone looked at her when she walked down the hallway, Marisol looked like hell. She felt like hell. She didn’t feel like wearing makeup, jewelry, or doing her hair much today. She wasn’t sure if she was willing to do it for a while. She hated even looking at herself because she felt disgusting. Even though she showered for a whole hour this morning, she still felt like a dirty whore.
Everyone looking at her made her feel even worse. It felt like a thousand eyes were judging her and calling her a fool for what happened. Everyone told her that those bikers were going to do something to her one day. KC warned her and she brushed it off. Her mother warned her and she brushed it off. Eli warned her and she brushed it off. She swore up and down that they were harmless and weren’t going to do anything beyond flirt with her.
She was wrong. She was almost always wrong. She was an idiot and it was a miracle anyone wanted to deal with her at this point.
Marisol was opening up her locker when Katie walked up to her with worry etched on her face.
“Mare, what happened? I heard a girl was almost gangraped at the restaurant and you didn’t answer my calls all weekend! Why wouldn’t you.....,” Katie started to scold her then trailed off when she took an actual look at her. Her best friend connected the dots immediately. Pretty much everyone did from how she looked. When her and Eli filed the police report, they wanted to remain anonymous to protect themselves in case any gang members wanted to hunt them down. However, everyone at school knew she worked at Little Miss Steaks along with several other students and none of those other students looked as traumatized as she did right now. She hated herself for making it obvious.
“Mare? Are you okay?” Katie asked her with fear in her voice.
Marisol contemplated not telling Katie as she was ashamed at what happened, and Katie didn’t need to be stressed out. But she also knew that her and Katie shared everything together and it would be pointless if she didn’t know.
“It was me,” she confessed as a lump grew in her throat. She will not cry anymore over this or at least not in public where everyone could see how vulnerable she was. No one should see a queen bee cry.
“Oh my....God,” her best friend replied in horror. Tears started welling up in Katie’s own eyes and Marisol immediately regretted telling her.
Marisol didn’t realize that she was shaking the whole time until Katie hugged her in comfort.
——————-
At the beginning of junior year, everyone in class would stare at him. At the nearly the end of junior year, everyone in class was still staring at him but for entirely different reasons.
At first, everyone was wondering who the hell was the goth freak was. Now everyone was giving him looks of....surprise, respect and admiration? It didn’t really shock him that the whole school found out what happened, especially since he had visible bruises that made it obvious, but he didn’t like the added attention right now, especially when he felt like he didn’t deserve it.
As the French teacher prattled on about how proud she was that the whole class passed the recent test, Eli couldn’t stop staring at Marisol no matter how terrible it felt. Like everyone else, he was shocked at her appearance today. She was not wearing any makeup, not even her lip gloss. Her hair was barely brushed, and she wasn’t wearing any of her colorful jewelry.
Her usual bubbly attitude was gone and she was quiet as a mouse in class. It was almost like she wasn’t there. He didn’t know if she realized this, but she was shaking and her eyes were red.
The guilt was eating him up inside. He had failed Marisol like he had failed Julia. He would never forgive himself for going to the bathroom instead of waiting until he was over her house. Those bikers must have saw him go into the bathroom and saw that as an opportunity to get Marisol by herself. He couldn’t believe how stupid he was for not seeing it when they had been acting predatory towards her for weeks. He was a fool.
That night was the first time he had dreamed of Julia in a while, and it was of course about her getting hit by that car. The visual image of her bleeding out on the street will probably never stop flashing through his mind, and he found it perfect in a dark way. He thought it represented his failure to protect girls he cared about. The worst part of it all was that it was no longer the most traumatizing thing he had ever seen. Running in on what the bikers were doing to Marisol was now the most traumatizing sight he had ever witnessed. From how she screamed when he overheard it to how utterly broken she looked afterwards was his mind’s new “favorite” image. When he was holding her while she slept in his arms that night, he felt like if he held her any tighter, she would shatter into a million pieces and it would again be his fault.
Ever since then, he had already had two nightmares about what would have happened if he was never able to stop the assault. He didn’t really care about the ass beating he got, what he really cared about was how he failed Marisol and how it was haunting him.
People at school were seeing him as some kind of badass and for what?
A badass would have been able to protect the people he cared about.
—————————-
When she entered the gym for Power Squad practice, all of her fellow cheerleaders gave her looks of sympathy.
Chantay and Anya immediately walked up to her. “Hey!” They both greeted with wide, awkward smiles.
“Hi,” she quietly greeted back. She tried to go to the locker room to change into her uniform, only for both of them to block her.
“So um, me and Chantay have been talking and we decided that you don’t have to come to practice or the games for a while if you don’t want to,” Anya told her.
“We are so sorry for what happened and we want you to take care of yourself,” Chantay added.
Marisol pursed her lips. She already felt guilty when Juan told her that he would gladly allow her to take paid leave until she felt safe to come back to work.
“No, I don’t want to be a burden to you guys and I promised myself that I would work hard to earn the Captain position at the end of the year,” Marisol said as she turned down their offer. The offer was tempting though, since she wasn’t sure if she was going to be comfortable wearing her cheerleading uniform. But she couldn’t let them down, especially Chantay who was always like a big sister to her.
“Girl, you’re a shoo in for cheer captain next year. You’ve always been the best member of the team. You don’t have to worry about that,” Chantay pointed out.
“And we just want to make sure you’re comfortable, Mare. We do care about you,” Anya added as she grabbed her hand to comfort her. “I know that we haven’t been talking lately since I started dating Owen, but you can always talk to me for support, okay? And we’ll be fine without you.”
“I’m scared, but I think I can still do cheerleading for the rest of the year,” Marisol assured, and she hated how her voice started to crack.
“Are you sure?” Chantay asked her. She nodded in response, as she moved past them to change.
She didn’t know why but while she could stand to be away from her job for a while, she could not remove herself from Power Squad, even temporarily.
Cheerleading was one of her greatest passions and it could not be snatched away from her.
————————
Eli really didn’t feel like listening to Imogen right now.
“Eli, I am so sorry to hear about what happened. I was so scared. So scared when I found out what happened,” Imogen said with wide eyes. He wouldn’t be surprised if Imogen was actually at the restaurant that night. He hasn't really forgotten that she admitted to stalking him during the whole school year when they first started talking.
“Are you okay?” She asked him in worry as they sat on the seats together in the auditorium. No, he felt like shit and it wasn’t just because of the bruises on his face. He had trouble even paying attention to the Drama Club meeting right now, especially since all eyes were still on him. Even Jake Martin was giving him a look of pity, and that made him almost regret his recent rewrite of the script where Jake was the villain of the play.
“You should be asking Mare that, not me,” he grumbled. He didn’t deserve any sympathy when he wasn’t the one that was sexually assaulted.
She frowned at that statement, and he really hoped that Imogen wasn’t blaming Marisol for what happened. He knew she liked him but hopefully not to that level.
“I feel really bad for her but-,” she began and Eli immediately went into protective mode.
“But what?” He cut her off sharply.
“....Nothing,” she replied nervously, taking the hint.
“I will be fine. She’s scarred for life for what she went through. Give any support you would to me, to her. She needs it,” he commanded. She nodded uncomfortably.
“Eli,” Fiona greeted as she came up to them.
“Fiona,” he greeted back.
“Come with me to the dressing room,” she requested.
“Why?” He asked.
“Now,” she ordered more firmly. He got up off his seat and followed her into the dressing room with a confused look on his face.
She pulled out a chair and gestured for him to sit in it. He did while she reached for something in her purse.
It was a bottle of liquid concealer.
“Don’t move,” Fiona told him with a critical look as she also pulled out a makeup brush. She squirted the concealer over the brush and went to applying it over his bruises. She then applied powder to set it in.
He looked at himself and the mirror and was surprised to see how his bruises weren’t really noticeable anymore. He didn’t even think about using concealer when he got ready for school this morning, and he was kicking himself for not doing it until now. He never had problems using makeup, especially eyeliner even if men wearing makeup wasn’t “manly”. At least he wouldn’t be scaring the shit out of people anymore.
“You’re a miracle worker, Ms. Coyne,” he complimented her warmly.
“And you’re an idiot,” Fiona replied to him softly. Turning around to face her, he raised his eyebrow at her for the insult.
“You could have gotten really fucked up or even killed fighting those bikers instead of calling the cops. But you decided to be Batman anyway,” she continued.
He opened his mouth to argue, but she squeezed his shoulder in comfort.
“Any girl would be lucky to have you, Eli,” she finished with an amused smile, “You’re a real good guy.”
Eli gave his friend a small smirk in return.
——————
“I can’t even begin to understand the trauma that you are going through right now, but please know that the faculty here at Degrassi is here to support you during this difficult time. Take a few days off if you need it,” Principal Simpson said to her sympathetically as he held her hand to soothe her.
Marisol was crying again even though she was sure she looked pathetic at this point. “I don’t think that would be necessary, Mr. Simpson. I don’t want to seem like I’m taking advantage of this situation,” she replied.
The principal shook his head. “Nonsense, Marisol. Your mental health comes first. I can have a student bring your schoolwork home for you and when you come back, I can schedule you some counseling appointments. Take it easy right now,” he reassured her.
She could only nod in response as she grabbed her bag and left the office. Katie was waiting for her outside. Her friend protectively wrapped her arm around hers as they walked down the hallway. With Katie, she somewhat felt better with her around. She felt less like she was wasting away in her friend’s presence. A year ago, their situations were reversed as it was Marisol who had to comfort Katie over the....incident. But now, it was Katie wrapping her around in her love.
She didn’t know what she would be without Katie Matlin.
“We could go to The Dot after school today. Milkshakes are on meeeeeee,” Katie offered playfully.
“Even an extra large, Oreo cookie milkshake with chocolate drizzle and sprinkles?” Marisol asked in hope.
“Of course,” Katie accepted. For the first time in two days, Marisol found herself smiling.
The world suddenly didn’t feel so heavy right now.