Hi. I'm sure you all know who this is, but if not it's Kaylin again. I'm not here to find any sort of forgiveness, Lord knows I don't deserve that. But it's been almost a decade since I did what I did and I have things I need to say. Believe it or not I've been carrying around a lot of guilt and regret for these past 10 years, which is only my fault. I realize that. I know i caused a lot of pain and hurt during my time here. I let a lot of people down, I lied to people who were only honest and loving towards me, I was so SO incredibly mean and hurtful to someone I loved so much, someone I really hope is doing okay.
I know it doesn't matter what I meant to do or didn't mean to do, but I never wanted to hurt anyone. I lied about what I looked like and so many other parts of my life because I was afraid of what that may bring to my real life, what might be discovered by my parents. I was afraid they'd find out and I'd get in trouble and never be allowed on here again. I didn't wanna lose access to the only people who ever made me feel part of something. In high-school I wasn't Ms. Popular valedictorian like I claimed to be. I was a nobody. I was maybe 30th in my class. Didn't play sports, didn't hang out with anybody. I was just your average kid that had maybe 4 "friends" at school and then I got home and never went to anyone's house, never went out with anyone, never went to parties or school dances. Boys didn't like me. But on here I felt "popular" and I felt like I belonged for the first time in my life. So I decided I'd make myself sound more interesting. So I told lie after lie. And when you guys found out I didn't face it. And I just did even more catfishing, told more lies, did more harm to all of you, but especially Kieran. I know what I did to you, I know I hurt you, and I never apologized for it and I'm so sorry. At one point, when I was younger, you were my everything and you did nothing but love me. I'm sorry I took that for granted and made comments throwing shade at you. You didn't deserve that. You deserved SO much better than me. I hope you found it. And I mean that. Delia, same with you. At one point you were my bestfriend, you told me so many personal things about yourself, shared so much of your life with me and I hid mine from you. I lied to you again and again and I can never say sorry enough, for any of it. I know i hurt more people, but those two in particular I was very close with once upon a time, and I still feel guilt and regret when I think about them. I hope you both have found happiness and peace and are at a place in your lives where you're genuinely "okay"
You both deserve that at the very least. You're incredible people, and Im sorry i ever took advantage of that.
I guess I'm here writing this to not only give an explanation that has been long overdue, but to finally put this behind me and move on with my life. I just turned 25 on the 1st of May, and I feel like its about time to bury this and move on, at least for me. Whatever you guys decide to do or how you feel about this is fine. Like i said, im not here for forgiveness. I just felt i owed this, at the very least. I also want to be a better person, and my life has actually turned around the last couple years. Im married, i have a daughter. I want to be someone she can be proud of, I dont want this weighing on me as I raise her. I want her to be a better person than I ever was. I want the dishonesty to end with me, here and now. Shes my whole world now and I think this is where I need to start to finally move on with my life.
I genuinley wish you all the very best. I hope you're all happy and thriving. I hope you all achieve your dreams and get everything you want in life. You all made me feel like I was part of something when I felt so alone and like I was nothing, and I'll always be grateful for that. Again, I am so so sorry for all the pain I caused. Please take care ā¤ļø